I Wish You Well

I had an encounter this week with an academic who concluded his email with, "I wish you well." I knew he meant the exact opposite.We've all heard them, those euphemisms with subtexts that tell a completely different story. I asked my Facebook friends to share their faves. Here are a few:

• I wish you well - Drop dead.
• With all due respect - I don't respect you.
• I don’t disagree - I totally disagree.
• I respect your opinion - but it’s totally wrong.
• No pun intended - Did ya get the pun?
• Per my previous email - You idiot, you're not reading my emails.
• Not to be a wet blanket - I'm about to totally trash your idea.
• I'll do it without further delay - Be prepared for me to miss another deadline.
• Thanks for sharing - TMI or Too much information.
• That's nice (or) Isn't that special - It's not of any interest to me.
• I beg to differ - Let me tell you how you’re wrong.
• So at the end of the day - I've talked way too long and could have saved us all time by just saying this brief summary.
• I don't mean to interrupt / Not to change the subject - I'm about to change the subject.
• It's a pleasure working with you - I hate working with you.
• Sorry - Not Sorry.
• Are we good? - Better do it my way or there will be trouble.
• It goes without saying - I'm about to say it anyway.
• You're doing just great - I have no idea what you're doing. Perhaps you should update your resume.
• I just heard that... - I'm making this up on the spot.
• Many people are saying - Nobody is saying it, but it's my personal opinion and you had better buy into it.
• Bless your heart - This can have two meanings, depending on what the eyes say. It's either a sincere blessing or an invitation to F-off.

I was compelled to write back to my back-covering academic to say, "You wish me well? You're blowing me off." But I'm known for taking the high road and remembered some long-ago learned wisdom. "If they don't get you, they don't get to have you."So at the end of the day... I wish him well.